You don't want to tickle it! Soft, circular motions, making sure to keep everything suitably lubricated
As for washing the car...
I use the hose to get off the worst of the muck and stubborn bits rather than scrubbing them off. I don't use too much pressure whilst washing but make sure to follow the lines and contours of the car to hide any marks you may make by accident. The bubbles/suds should lift the dirt off hence some people pre foam the car before getting hands on. And keeping whatever mitt/sponge/cloth/rag/bit-of-old-tramps-coat as free from grit and dirt as possible always helps. If you go scrubbing away you'll just make your paint hazy with tiny scratches. Then it's a post wash going over with the hose then dry/shammy before polish and wax of your choice.
That's what I do anyway
